Anika Repole Wilson
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Discovering Client Compatibility through Love Languages

7/5/2021

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Like most nuances about entrepreneurship, understanding Client Compatibility, may be something that can’t be taught, but rather experienced. Over time, most service oriented entrepreneurs learn these subtleties about client relationships usually through tremendous trial and error and considerable stress. 

It was after one of these experiences in 2019, after only what I could describe as a bad break-up (and there have been many) with a client when I thought, there has got to be a better way for me to decide who my ideal client is. If you’re anything like me, you become personally invested in your client relationships. These relationships are quite close and intimate - I give of my time and energy. They take me away from my family and personal time, I become emotionally invested in their success, I feel their losses, I share in their excitement. Even though I tried at times to adjust my level of emotional investment in clients, for sake of what I thought was self-preservation, I realized quickly this is what makes me - me and what makes the experience of working with me unique. 

I thought, if I give my clients the attention of a lover/friend/family, why not examine the dynamic just as closely, it was then Dr. Gary Chapman’s Love Languages screamed loudly as a possible solution.

The Five Love Languages
As outlined by Chapman in his 1992 book “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate” people will naturally want to receive appreciation and love in the same way they give it. He categorized these levels of expression into 5 areas of focus:
  • Words of Affirmation
  • Gift Giving
  • Physical Touch
  • Quality Time
  • Acts of Service

Chapman expressed that to understand and truly value your mate, it's crucial to observe and learn your mate’s love languages, explaining that most people possess and speak in one primary and one secondary love language, with less attention or priority given to their remaining three.

These Love Languages, originally conceptualized around existing romantic relationships, have since been adapted broadly by Chapman and other co-authors; like Paul White for singles looking to settle down into long-term relationships, to parent-child relationships and to improve workplace culture, by guiding leaders to better appreciate and establish supportive relationships within their team members, usually towards positively impacting the client experience. Yet, while the client is a priority, why not prioritize the service-provider’s experience too? This was my question.

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It was with this in mind that I thought that rather than adjust my coaching and service-provider style to work with more clients, why not instead just identify clients whom I’m truly compatible with. Compatibility, no longer from a scarcity mindset of who I needed on-board to help me pay my bills, but instead whom I could contribute meaning to through our client relationship and who would be equally fulfilling to work with. Clients who can appreciate my style of working and whom I can compliment effectively with my level of emotional investment, thus making our relationship more meaningful, long-term and mutually fulfilling.

Like how this sounds? Keep reading.
Listen to my interview about this topic with Annie P. Ruggles on her award-winning podcast HERE
Your Love/Appreciation Language

Firstly however, it's crucial to understand your own personal interaction/appreciation language style. 

Ask yourself these questions to see which language is your primary and secondary:

Quality Time
Do you thrive on 1:1 interaction with clients? Are you the type to keep close tabs on your client? Do you actively purchase from your clients and test out their products (without them knowing)? 


Physical/Personal Touch
Do you follow them on social media and interact with them? Do your clients have your personal number? Do you visit their store location or website to check in? 

Words of Affirmation
Do you find yourself wanting to hear from clients about their experience working with you? Do you measure your success based on your client's success? 

Gift Giving
Do you go the extra mile? Do you provide complimentary work or bonuses? Do you become brand loyal to them? 

Acts of Service
Do you explore their industry for potential leads for them? Do you share interesting resources with them that may help their process even unrelated to your field? 

As you can imagine, and probably already painfully know, having a client that doesn’t appreciate your effort stings, regardless of business simply being business. With that in mind, why on earth then would you choose someone as your client who doesn’t speak the same language? 

I questioned, could I potentially, not only apply the love languages to my clients, but could I use them as a guide to identify and funnel my ideal leads into a specific service offering, based on their interaction/appreciate style and the answer is yes.

This approach, I hope will offer other service-providers and specifically coaches/consultants, especially empaths like myself and those just starting out a guide to better qualify, segment and assess your leads even before they become a client to identify true compatibility, saving you both time, effort and potentially heartache.

Listen to my interview about this topic with Annie P. Ruggles on her award-winning podcast HERE
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Want to dive into your ideal Client's Interaction Style and Love Language + Download my list of 5 simple questions to assess your Lead/Client Compatibility on your next discovery call? Click HERE to access my Compatibility Guide now.
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Anika Repole Wilson

Anika Repole Wilson Follow me on IG: @businesschicceo
Let’s Connect: https://www.linkedin.com/in/anikarepolewilson/
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